Wanderings of the Mind

House Hunting in Panama

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 12:16:00 -0400

For those of you interested in coming to Panama and looking for a house, you'll find a number of "interesting" "features" here in Panama. I wish I could say the two above-quoted words could be taken in a positive context. But that's not the case.

Now I'm not an engineer, nor an architect, or even a mason, carpenter, or plumber. And I've been told by at least one Panamanian engineer that I'm way too demanding (I was told this after giving the engineer a severe scolding for the work done by the plumber -- apparently, expecting newly installed plumbing not to leak is being too demanding).

Anyway, the shortcuts taken in the construction industry here are absurd. Understand that my standards are higher. The average Panamanian will apparently accept, even expect, very poor quality construction.

Some of my gripes include:
circular driveways with curves and obstructions that only a Toyota Yaris can navigate.
tubing 1/2 in. used everywhere (electrical and communications conduits and water pipes) and communications conduits that are all serialed
lazy electrical boxes
concrete pours without so much as a slump test
floors without rebar
mortar mix without lime
floors off-level and rolling more than the ocean
walls that aren't straight or vertical
roofs that leak like seives
uninsulated roofs
concrete floors with no vapor barrier
insistence on using sumps vice drain fields
doors that can only be opened with keys (making the house an inescapable death-trap), i.e., building prisons and calling them houses
insufficient lighting fixtures and electrical outlets

The above list is by no means exhaustive, although exhausted is what I am after going through one of these houses. Now, some of what I mention may not be understandable to everyone. For example, lazy electrical outlets are outlets that are laying down sideways vice standing up straight. You might ask why is that of any importance as long as you have outlets. But if you look at any appliance (refrigerator, washer and dryer, window air conditioner, etc.), you'll find a molded plug. The plug is molded to plug into an outlet that is vertical (the two blades like eyes and the ground socket like a mouth). If connected sideways, it stresses the now bent cord and will cause a failure of the cord eventually. Also, some conveniences assume a vertical socket, and either can't be used or will not work properly if inserted in a sideways socket.

I can go through all the above gripes and tell you why each is important. Some are just conveniences, like using 3/4 in. communications (telephone) tubes that are not serialed, that is, each box goes back to the telephone closet. This allows you to rip out the telephone cable and put in ethernet cable for computers and SIP (Internet) phones without recabling the entire house. But others, like putting rebar in the floors or doing a twice a day slump test affect the structural integrity of the building. Call me silly, but floors with stress cracks running all over annoy me and speaks volumes of the construction standards here.

So if you come to Panama, either expect to build your own house (and if you really don't know how, bring someone who does), or lower your expectations (standards) drastically. Understand, some things just won't work here. You can either fix it, or live with it.

David-

MIDA -- Keeping producers unproductive.

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 12:16:00 -0400

The Ministry of Agricultural Development (MIDA - Ministerio de Desarrollo Agropecuario) has been at it again, developing programs to "help" producers. The front page of "La Prensa", a local newspaper proudly touted what MIDA was doing to help producers in Cocle, a province just outside of Panama City.

The picture showed a grower picking an orange, one of several that could be seen in the photo. The caption discussed how MIDA was helping growers plant orange trees and "limon persa" trees. The "limon persa" is better known in the US as a Tahiti Lime. I know this because I have a farm with over 500 lime trees in production.

I am one of several small farms in the area with products like limes, and grow them in the hopes that my production will pay for maintaining the farm. Unlike many producers here, I don't depend on the income from my limes for my livelihood, but I wouldn't mind earning enough to make improvements on the farm.

MIDA, though, seems bound and determined to ensure that no one can ever make anything as a producer. My farm produces some 5,000 limes per week. Not bad, and at anything over about $0.06/ea, would help pay for irrigation, fertilizing, trimming, and maintaining the grounds around the trees. What I can sell, on a good week, though, amounts to some 1,000 limes. The rest just drop to the ground and rot.

Now it's not just that the government is encouraging (not just encouraging, they actually helped procure and plant the trees in question) growers to grow crops that aren't in demand, it's that they're helping folks within a stones throw of our principal market (Panama City) take our market away. I mean, why transport the few thousand limes Panama City demands 250 miles, when they only have to go 50 or less.

Reminds me of a similar program some years ago when they were encouraging everyone to plant corn. Then the Government of Panama bought a boatload (literally) of corn and flooded the market. To add insult to injury, they only paid subsidies to farmers within 150 miles of Panama City where the boat landed. I lost two tons of corn that year. Swore I'd find a product that didn't have so many growers. Now that my trees are five years old and in full production, it seems the government has targeted my limes.

Would be nice if I could just sell what I produce -- or even half of it. But these programs are all one-sided. Produce a bumper crop of something, but forget that production, without a market, does more harm than good. So in a couple of years I'll probably have to find another crop to sit on. On the bright side, we're never out of lemonade.

David-

The Yellow Plague

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 12:16:00 -0400

My wife loves yellow flowers, especially roses. So I pick up a boquet every once in a while, sometimes I have it delivered to her office (makes the other ladies crazy).

Anyway, the other day she told me she doesn't like yellow any more. Huh? But you love yellow, hon. Not any more. Any color but yellow.

Several months ago, after long years of agonizing, postponing, and lots of protests by taxi drivers, the government finally forced taxi drivers to get their cars painted yellow, or get off the road. And a number were ticketed and removed. Now all taxis are yellow.

Now this is a good thing, and also a bad thing. The good thing is, real taxis (as opposed to pirates or those trying to take advantage of tourists, etc.) are easy to spot. The bad thing is, the idiot taxi drivers are easy to spot.

We were out driving not long ago, and there was a veritable sea of yellow all around our pickup, and I suddenly heard "aagh, this yellow plague" followed by a few choice explitives. And it was true. It was like trying to drive amongst a bunch of cockroaches all scrambling, no regard for the traffic laws (like typical taxis), and all over.

It's depressing -- at least, as depressing as the color yellow can be. I can't tell you the times I've looked up at a line of cars, and 90% are yellow. Probably wouldn't be so bad if they'd just learn how to drive.

So, if you're ever in Panama, just look out the car window. If you're like most folks, you'll be wanting to call Truly Nolan.

David-

Martinelli: The First Year

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 12:16:00 -0400

Well, it's been over a year. Folks have finally settled in to the realization that, while Martinelli made a lot of promises, few have been fulfilled, and those that have have been fraught with problems.

Of course no one watching the thrashing and posturing down here is surprised. I mean, Martinelli made a lot of noise about fixing the transportation system in Panama, but some six years ago, when the town of David tried to make improvements by making one very heavily trafficked road a one way (another adjacent parallel road was already made one way going out, this would have been the complement), Martinelli petitioned then President Mireya Moscoso to force the town to reverse this four year old decision to improve traffic flow.

So if Martinelli was so determined then to maintain a substandard system substandard (the road had been painted, the signs all reversed, everything was ready but the enforcement), why would anyone think he would actually do anything to improve an even larger, archaic and anarchic system? It's not in his or any of the other sons of Panama's interests to put any money into fixing it. Folks complain, but they get to work.

What never ceases to amaze me is that nothing that needs to be done needs to be invented. Most other countries have implemented what needs to be done here. So we're not talking rocket science.

Reminds me of a few year ago when my neighbor decided to stop planting crops and buy cattle. The fence between our properties was inadequate to maintain his cows. So he told me I had to fix my half of the fence. No, my fence is just fine, none of my fruit trees wanders onto his property, he needed to make sure his cows stayed in his pasture.

But to keep the peace, I improved the fence by putting up an electric cattle fence. Would you believe this hick came by while I was putting up the electric fence and told me I was going to kill his cows with the electric fence (a fence designed specifically for cattle) and he wanted me to only put up a barbed wire fence?

The fence has been up for five years. Not one cow has died because of the electric fence (despite this hick's insistence it would and his threats to sue me). This fence is also the only one no cow has crossed (they break through the barbed wire fences all the time). Technology hasn't yet arrived in Panama, not because it's not available, but because folks here don't understand it (complements of the wonderful educational system). Even the government themselves demand (by law) that all accounting be done written into journals by the army of accountants the country has. Huh? Yep, accountants here aren't accountants, they're bookkeepers. Everything must be done by hand. No SQL databases. No one in the government understand computerized databases. Welcome to the 16th Century.

David-

The Day Panama Stood Still

Mon, 17 May 2010 12:16:00 -0400

This past Sunday, 16 May 2010, the Panamanian Government did its official census. On this day, Panama became, for all intents and purposes, a prison colony. No one could leave their home until they had a pass from the census takers, until they'd been "incensed" -- OK, yeah, I know that's not the word, but it works here.

So the census takers (who met outside in front of our house at 7 a.m. and promptly dispersed to the four winds in search of folks who were not awake), finally stopped by in the late afternoon. Among the questions were: names of folks in the house (all of us), type of construction of the house (block), if the house had water (ocassionally), if anyone in the house was looking for or had work last week, and a myriad other silly, often ambiguous questions.

So here I am, a gringo (so what do I know of a Panamanian census) and they never asked some fairly obvious questions: identification number or passport number, nationality (US/Panamanian/other), status in the country (Panamanian national, resident alien, tourist, tourist with pension, alien married to a Panamanian, investor visa, illegal alien, or other). Everyone ALWAYS wants to know your ID or passport number here. Even if they don't know anything else, the ID or passport number can be used to check your status. So they counted millions of people and have no idea what nationality they are. Did I miss something?

Well, if you are just passing through, apparently, you're counted the same as someone who was born, raised, and will most likely die here. If that makes no sense to you, join the crowd.

I would also remark on the lack of knowledge the census takers showed. Several questions had to me a number of basically equivalent answers (a la Microsoft's Wizards -- perhaps the same folks that wrote the MS Wizards wrote the census) and the census taker could not explain the difference between the answers.

Well this census, that had the entire country locked down for the day (with close to 2,000 arrested for being out without a pass) isn't over yet. They will continue the census during the course of the week. So much for the 6 P's (prior planning prevents piss-poor performance). I always wondered how they'd manage to get to many of the remote areas in one day -- but they couldn't even get to entire buildings in Panama City!

I'm still unclear on the whole lockdown deal. Are those uncounted folks/buildings still encarcerated in their own homes, or are the census takers going to have to try to catch up with these people at whatever hour of the night they decide to show up at home?

Yep, the Panamanian Census. The census here is, they still won't know how many folks live here until at least May 2020, when they do it all over again.

They also got real wound up over "head of household" versus married to the head of the household. Does this even matter? How many adults (vs minors) live here? Sex (as often as I can get it), or who's sleeping with whom? Age? Nationality? Immigrant Status (if applicable). And other pertinent questions. I'm still reeling with the questions they asked (knowing the answers if they'd open their eyes). I pay a water, an electric, and a telephone bill. We have 8 computers in the house for 5 people (the three Blackberry's are counted as computers). Please don't ask why these were even questions -- I don't know!

I'm still wondering if/when they'll realize that they still don't know how many foreigners there are here? I'm here as one status, but the rest of the family has dual citizenship. I will be interested in the results. Was hoping to know how many gringos/europeans/other 1st world expatriots live here. Guess I'll never know.

David-